cellulite

in the back of the room

i keep myself dim

a silhouette draped in shadow

a mystery within a mystery

cotton pulled high

and draped over the past

you’ll love me best

as a rumor

all softened edges

and shadow

a flicker in the dark

you’ll know i’m there

without seeing

my light

your mind wanders

your eyes scan

your pulse betrays you

and your hands…

curious things

they keep reaching

past the silk curtain

and all the places

i’ve stitched shut

i let you reach me

let your eyes meet mine

i let you peel me down

i let you see me

from scar tissue

to tenderness

and the uneven landscape between

you explore me

like a haunted house

my puckered flesh

my heaviness

the truth of all that’s come before

your mouth falters

your knees buckle

your hands begin to shake

you’re searching

for the goddess

of your imagination

the smooth surface

the polished fantasy

of a girl

at a distance

i am here now

in her stead

cold and undeniable

when you’re good

and terrified

i pull myself back in

slowly

return the sheet

over my spectre

you’ll regale your love

with tales

of your survival

i’ll haunt your memory

at your behest

fit whatever story

you can tell the best